Jessica Botfield
1031 words

Teen Dating Violence: A Silent Scourge

Violence in teenage relationships is a bigger issue than is talked about publicly. For young people who are only just learning about relationships, it can be a heavy burden to carry.  

            Nearly one in ten high-school students has been hit, slapped or physically hurt on purpose by a boyfriend or girlfriend, according to Nicole Daley, the director of Boston Public Health Commission's Start Strong Program.

           Daley discussed how the media helps form society’s view of domestic violence.

The media portrays an image of domestic and sexual violence that society has created over the course of many years, Daley said. "When you start to think about domestic violence and how it gets played out in media, a lot of it stems from our systemic oppression and sexism that's been woven for centuries,” Daley said.

The Start Strong Program focusses on working with 11 to 18 year olds to prevent teen dating violence and abuse by actively promoting healthy relationships. 

Daley described the “Beauty and the Beast syndrome” as being a perfect example of the media’s portrayal and creation of social norms, generating the belief that this abuse is acceptable. Daley said that the film was an example of Stockholm syndrome.

    “We are taught that what Belle experiences is love and she got her Prince at the end, but when you actually analyze all the behaviors of the Beast in the movie, you realize that he was abusing her the whole time,” Daley said. “He stole her from her father, isolated her from her family, locked her in a room, and told her she couldn’t eat unless she obeyed his orders.”

 To be able to change what people believe is acceptable in relationships, society needs to change the social norms that are evident not only through our actions, but also in the media.

 “Violence prevention is changing people's ways about all these norms that we are taught,” Daley said.

            One of the biggest factors keeping a partner from leaving or speaking out about an abusive relationship is victim blaming. The Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness website states that “If the survivor knows that you or society blames the survivor for the abuse, she will not feel safe or comfortable coming forward and talking to you.”

            The common theme running through questions that we ask a victim, including the “why didn’t you’s” is asking why the victim did not do something to prevent, interrupt or fend off the attack. Daley said, “what you've done is you've started focusing on what the victim did in that circumstance rather than what the perpetrator did. And that is what we call victim blaming.”

           “Whatever that victim did to survive that attack is okay,” Daley said.          According to Professor Sherry Hamby, the founding editor of the American Psychology Association's psychology on violence journal, the biggest factor in perpetuating victim blaming is the “just world” hypothesis. This is the idea that people deserve what happens to them.

            “There is a strong need to preserve our societal norms to believe that every consequence was because of an action brought upon by someone else,” Daley said. “And yes, that’s true, but not always the victim.”

            New Hampshire Representative Debra Altschiller said, “America is a country whose ethos is built on revolution, reinvention and self-reliance. Our norms and social constructs celebrate these attributes and by default minimize and marginalize those who seek help and supports, painting them as weak.” This goes parallel with the concept of victim blaming, and prevents a victim from speaking out.

            A large amount of society’s perception of domestic violence, especially in relation to marriages, is shaped by “the history of criminal justice and of domestic and sexual violence justice in our country,” Altschiller said.

            Thirty-eight years ago, in 1979, the first rape of a spouse was prosecuted in Massachusetts, and a person was convicted of the crime. Up until this time it was legal to rape your spouse. “Once you were married you had no personal autonomy,” Altschiller said.

               Fifteen percent of married women were experiencing this problem in 1990. “It was a societal norm for a really long time,” Altschiller said. “The societal norms still allowed for people to think in that way.”

            Altschiller stated that due to this change in law, “we all have to change with it,” and this is a difficult thing that needs to occur. 

          On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. Society has created social and cultural norms that have allowed this kind of abuse to seem acceptable in the eyes of some people.

The World Health Organization found that “Cultural and social norms are highly influential in shaping individual behavior, including the use of violence. Norms can protect against violence, but they can also support and encourage the use of it.”

The organization said that cultural acceptance of violence, either as a normal method of resolving conflict or as a usual part of a child’s upbringing, is a risk factor for all types of interpersonal violence. “Social tolerance of violent behavior is likely learned in childhood, through the use of corporal punishment or witnessing violence in the family, in the media or in other settings.”

            Many professionals have also said that the social norms that have been engraved into our everyday actions are to blame for a society that experiences such great levels of domestic and sexual abuse in relationships.

            The World Health Organization says cultural and social norms are “expectations of behavior within a specific cultural or social group. These norms offer social standards of appropriate and inappropriate behavior, governing what is acceptable and coordinating our interactions with others.”

                        Malcolm Astley, founder of the Lauren Dunne Astley memorial fund lost his daughter to an abusive former boyfriend. Astley created the organization to promote dynamic educational programs, particularly in the area of healthy teen relationships

The World Health Organization found that teens who suffer dating abuse are subject to long-term consequences like alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, thoughts of suicide, and violent behavior.

“We need to care for ourselves,” Astley said. “We need to fix the problem.”